[ it hadn't been until inej was taken that jesper had realised they were all held together by glue and nothing else — inej had been that glue, had filled in the gaps between all their jagged edges. she laughed at his jokes, sat with wylan, squeezed nina's hand, walked by kaz's side.
and now she's gone and they are all scattered; not in person, not always, though most of them have their own jobs — they come and go, and when they're not...
well. there's a terrifying restlessness inside jesper, worse than usual, and he knows it's only partly fueled by his guilt. he wonders if the others feel it too, this time, the wrongness of it all. they need the wraith back, and not because she's essential for their plan.
she's just essential, that's it.
cards move from one hand to another, almost absently, and jesper craves — he craves a partner to play with, he craves a spin of makker's wheel, he craves adrenaline, he —
he's not sure what he loathes more, the need or himself.
he looks up when matthias approches, and though the fjerdan is hardly his first choice of company... right now, he might as well have been sent by the saints.
another shuffle of the cards, and jesper grins. ]
What, never seen cards before? [ but he lets them fall to one hand and takes the offered loaf. and brightens even more. ] Hey, krentenbollen! The best late night snack, in my humble opinion.
[ Not a moment passes and Matthias is not reminded they are no higher than a stain at the bottom of a barrel, tricksters and thieves. And yet, finding Inej and making her kidnapper pay took no thought. Somewhere out on the ice where they stood together and did insane things together did mistrust get pulled from him, thread by thread. He does not love them, no. But they've become his. Separation would cost them blood. Having even one person missing strains all the other bonds, like a body without one of its limbs. All stumbling, scrabbling, because Inej was the net they could trust. ]
[ Even Jesper, who is loud and blusters and hides that he's frightened. There's no soothing balm in Matthias' hands, he doubts the bread or the company will provide much, where it involves the snare of guilt. But better here than not at all. ]
For you.
[ He hands it over as he sits, glancing at the cards. ]
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treehousing2021-04-27 07:50 pm
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and now she's gone and they are all scattered; not in person, not always, though most of them have their own jobs — they come and go, and when they're not...
well. there's a terrifying restlessness inside jesper, worse than usual, and he knows it's only partly fueled by his guilt. he wonders if the others feel it too, this time, the wrongness of it all. they need the wraith back, and not because she's essential for their plan.
she's just essential, that's it.
cards move from one hand to another, almost absently, and jesper craves — he craves a partner to play with, he craves a spin of makker's wheel, he craves adrenaline, he —
he's not sure what he loathes more, the need or himself.
he looks up when matthias approches, and though the fjerdan is hardly his first choice of company... right now, he might as well have been sent by the saints.
another shuffle of the cards, and jesper grins. ]
What, never seen cards before? [ but he lets them fall to one hand and takes the offered loaf. and brightens even more. ] Hey, krentenbollen! The best late night snack, in my humble opinion.
no subject
[ Even Jesper, who is loud and blusters and hides that he's frightened. There's no soothing balm in Matthias' hands, he doubts the bread or the company will provide much, where it involves the snare of guilt. But better here than not at all. ]
For you.
[ He hands it over as he sits, glancing at the cards. ]
Are you practicing shuffling?